when i took your hand and showed you the paintings on my wall and my new tea light lantern so that you could see the stars that have entered my room i was hoping that youd feel happy in my child-like place, i know you will, on some nights, tell mama that you;re proud of me for moving my muscles to clean up the room, for getting the big bags of rubbish and taking them down myself, that i am you favourite, without hurting her, without hurting anybody but yourself, because thinking about us makes you think of your past days which have been darker than the nights themselves. i cant tell you how good it feels to know that you still check on me in the morning--(your fatherly excursions, i have come to name it) but still there are so many things i would like you to see-even stuffs that i have boxed up, those that have been tangibly dull and dusty, those that reminded me of people i used to know, perhaps the both of us could sit on my new clean sheets and look through those things maybe you could share one of those life lessons that will teach me to be more independent? like "Who needs best friends, you are your own future!", i'm sorry that ive been crap at school for the past semester, im sorry that i told you id rather be spending my time at the hospital with you than turning up for morning classes and doing readings and getting As for essays, i'll be better for us, and believe in bigger things, better grades, because i love you so much and im mad as hell with Whatever that is taking you away from us, but sometimes being away is just a law of life isnt it? and i love you so no matter how far you go i will run and catch you back thousands of times, because i love you, have i said that already?

i'm on a roll!
let's see what other pictures do i have...

OK! these were from the time i interviewed the artist at the grand palace. yes, artist. AT THE GRAND PALACE!!!!
how privileged plsssss! i think i mentioned before that i was having trouble looking for research subjects. and then thanks to the field school in lamphun (documented in the damn long entry that you may have read HERE), i met a former student of the super prestigious grand palace art school. one night i asked her if she knew any artists that i could interview. lo and behold! she said she'd personally bring me for a tour!!

like that's not enough, the artist that i had interviewed had a fairytale-ish rags-to-riches story to boot!


so this artist (his name is pratheuang thongrod, but i call him ajarn, which is thai for teacher) was born in a village in ratchaburi. he used to sell morning glory at the market every morning. he even gave me tips on how to make my morning glory grow overnight HAHA as if i needed to know! even though he made enough to get by, he claimed he wasn't happy. what he really wanted to do was be an artist. he said he saw art in everything. like even the techniques of harvesting rice is art. so inspiring right!
( read more! )

so like i said, i don't have a reflective post for 2009. but what i do have is.. a mishmash of pictures from my last few weeks in bangkok!
since i left in such a hurry to surprise everyone at home, i didn't even have time to upload those pictures until i stumbled upon them last night while i was clearing my folders. it could have been gone forever!

one of the happiest times in bangkok was when my mum came to visit during raya. not her visit per se, but the food that she'd brought along! every year the only thing i look forward to is the food (especially the kueh!). so i INSISTED that she bring many different kinds of kueh, even if it's only two pieces per type!
but what my mum brought SURPASSSSSEDDDDD my expectations pls!

LOOK AT ALL THE KUEH! got mooncake and brownie (with my name, no less!)
and my nenek even made my mum bring lontong and kuah satay and tehbotol my favouriteee. <3 nenek! :D

( berlebaran di bangkok! )

so here's the thing about the mandatory reflective post to end 2009: i don't have one.
many changes happened throughout the year, one of the biggest being staying in thailand for a semester. but some stuff still remain. like how i still don't have a part-time job. it's not like i haven't been looking, i even wanted to apply for a face painter job but the application closed before i had done up my CV. not as if my CV very long lah, i just got very distracted heehee

this has got to be one of the best school breaks i've ever had. after my dream of being a face painter vanished, i filled my time with sooo many projects, you cannot imagine!

show off-y pictures coming up (ha ha) :

( here! )
oklah i wanna watch idol first. later continue again byebye!

Caught Avatar on Thursday. I'm surprised on how well it turns out! If only we watched it on 3D, I'm pretty sure the effects are awesome. The plot was simply amazing. Who would have thought that the blue aliens could simply take your breathe away. I even have the perception that the show is catered for the kids. HAHA. Anyway, I would really recommend everyone to watch it.

Lesson: I realise that being judgemental on certain issue could hinders one from seeing a whole big picture. And if one just try to break from that perspective, who knows, it will be something even better!

p/s: Why does HOT guys only exist in the entertainment industry? Its so unfair!

Next up: Alvin & the chipmunks 2 and Shelock Holmes!

double p/s: I wish I can grow a plot of money trees. At least it saves me from the worry of not having enough cash. :) 

Happy Holidays everyone!

so im giving the non-aggressive Kings a miss because... noisy musicians are THE NEW AGE GURUSSSS!! HEH HEH

im wondering what exactly happen to those moments that are uninterrupted by thoughts, while we move without sound in less time than it takes our tongues to roll off words, our eyes pacing right and left without them needing to be modest or civilised, when facial gestures are not visible even though we are only centimetres apart, not bothered by waves of perception that are coming from a third place or a third person?

"I'm writing this notes like someone throwing a message in a bottle into the sea. Who will it reach, if anyone? Well, writing itself is a kind of freedom, which even if we have no paper or pen nobody can steal from our head, unless they lodge a bullet in it and end everything". --Héctor Aguilar Camín

I miss you already
You are always in my mind.
Trust me.

- Those words can make one's heart melts. :)

michael stipe in his charming gay rockinnnn mood! ♥

yesterday we drank bottled water from Turkey, saw pretty bangles and salwar kameez and curly writings we cant read, walked along rows of shop houses with old posters taped on walls, amidst old indian music that could go on forever and a bunch of faces-fair, skinny, dark, freckled, lost, with spicy smell up our nostrils which reminded us of Bollywood and pretty actors, (CHAKDE INDIA SHAH RUKH WAS SO HOT I DISSOLVED), felt safe and excited and happy with so many things that are old-fashioned and we love it, we love it. i want to eat butter naan the size of a cityyyyyy, i want to eat butter chicken (!!!) and mutton masala(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) more than Garfield could eat lasagna, and feel that it could be possible and true for all that gheeee and oilll in my body to disappear to no man knows where. got home and told my mother ive found that part of me that is more Indian than her, and i thought of it already at 8:40 this morning under the quilt: india 2011 is real and about to be.